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Down the Drain: Toilet Technology |
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Dr. Samuel Says -
Weirdness
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Written by Dr. Samuel Centralia, Ph.D., D.D.S., Esq.
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Wednesday, 22 August 2007 |
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Typically, I am not one to discuss bathroom matters any more than I absolutely have to. There is a certain strain of stalwart American Puritanism in my blood, and a regrettable subsequent squeamishness. But I have a firm belief that Penetrating Eye of Science must be unflinching, and so we proceed with not one, but two, toilet-related technology items.
 Attentive reader Tom D. of Virginia forwarded this compelling
multimedia web document regarding the Washlet series of high-tech
toilets . (Warning: Potentially NSFW thanks to surreal presentation of
scrolling dorsal nudity.) While many technological improvements have
been made to the Room of Necessity over the years -- The French are
famously fond of bathroom luxury -- the Washlet apparatus aims to bring
cutting edge bathroom technology to the common man. Forthwith... The
top-of-the-line S400 model features an adjustable, in-bowl "cleansing
wand" with four modes to choose from: Front/Rear Cleanse. Soft Cleanse,
Pulsating and Oscillating. Control freaks will be happy to note that a
kind of remote control option allows you to "more finely aim the
cleansing spray."
Then there is the Warm Air Dry feature, which does what it sounds like
it does. (You can choose from five "cozy" temperature settings.) The
Air Purifier "neutralizes the air in and around the bowl." I refuse to
comment further on this. The Auto Open/Close module means never having
to lift or lower the seat again -- which is heated, by the way. All of
this can be yours for the low, low price of $1,890. Cheaper models are
available, too, but if you're going to go this direction with your
discretionary funds, may as well go all the way. Drop your zip code
into the website finder, and you'll get a list of local retailers.
Meanwhile, if you're in the market to expand your restroom sensory
experience, don't forget The iPod Toilet Paper Holder. The name says it
all, really. It's an iPod dock (with "integrated high-performance
moisture-free speakers") and a toilet paper holder.
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